#115 >>> So Thankful.

Hello guys, finally updating through my laptop. Well, i am not suppose to be here and suppose to be studying instead but well, just here for a short and quick update then. Actually i feel like pending down my thoughts that filling my mind day by day, feel like clearing them out. Some good some bad. But i guess are just mostly good stuff around, but i guess need to get them all ready first. 

Two of my most dearest people in life. Can't explain how thankful and blessed i am to have both of them with me through all my ups and downs. Knowing them since secondary 1, getting closer and closer. Dote me, play, tease and have fun with each other and most importantly, loving me for who i am . No doubt that both of them are the two that dote me and love me the most. Adding colors to my life, always do so much sweet stuff to me. What more can i ask for? So blessed. <3


Prelims right now, probably killed my ss and english paper already >: Goodbye people, have a nice weekends ahead.

#86 >>> A week filled with good and bad surprises.

Eyes shutting soon, have to wake up early tomorrow because i have to reach scape at 9plus in the morning. Means no sleeping in tomorrow. Its okay, tomorrow will worth sacrificing my beauty sleep. 

Okay right now, let me sum up everything for the whole week. Tuesday, the terrible day. Wednesday, Terrible but so warmed by my friends. Thursday, School as usual, cheer training filled with a lot of laughter. Because of all the swing swing stuff we're doing. Today, late for school, so went to 

have breakfast before going to school. Lesson pretty normal, sleep throughout all the english lesson because i am too tired from thursday's training. Dnt remedials, dance, mac bites with Princess again! 

Received my parcels and card today! So happyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! 

New book to read this week. 

This is so strong! Basically she's a cheerleader and realized she have cancer. She might have to amputate her leg if her cancer is serious. And her passion and fighting spirit for cheer is admirable!

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This is a week filled with good and bad surprises. Bad surprises are those i guess pretty much, most people know about it already. I got a shock when people drop their concern after reading my blog post. Because i didn't know there will be people reading but still thanks anyway. 

Some good surprises are by my buddies. I guess because they know because of the stuff that happen to me, i feel very upset about it. So on thursday, when Matha came up to my house to pass me my portable charger and he come with Strawberry hi-chew for me. He say he read my tweets know i want it and he say my tweets sound sad the day before. And that really makes me smile. So blessed. 

And today, Cs came down to meet us with a cup of gongcha for me. BBT makes me happy and makes me jump. And later in the evening, Junjie came up my house to pass me my charger which i left it in the dnt room. I got shock when i saw a hi-chew along with my charger. Omgggggg, seriously. Those surprises and sweet actions warmed my heart so much. Thanks for the sweets and bbt you guys are showering me with knowing that it will makes me happy and smile. You know they always make me feel so pampered, loved and blessed. <3 

Thank you once again! ^^

Right now at this moment i also don't know whether i am okay a not. Its such a easy question but its so hard to answer. But don't worry, it will get better because i believe that. 

My tears are no longer rolling, strong enough to not cry, tough enough to swallow all back. Sensible enough to know that i should not cry anymore. Because i don't allow myself to cry, because my pride doesn't allow it. 

Its nice to receive concern from people you no longer hang out and friends that are no longer as closed as it used to be. Part of me will makes me miss the friendship i used to have with them and parts of me feel so great that they still care and love the friendship. 

And i promised to be there for the people who's there for me. There's a lot of stuff i wanna blog about but its already 1plus now, so i think i should just do it tomorrow perhaps. TGIF!!!! Have a nice weekends ahead, goodnight! xoxo. 

P/S: My own personal thoughts are kind of crazy with good and bad things today. But all the things and people around me, i actually feel that today is a great day.  Seems like it is the best day of the week for now. So thankful!!!!!

#85 >>> Goodbye.

Been hesitating about this post because i don't know if i should blog all out or should i just keep all to myself. And also because my mind and everything are still not settled, still pretty confused.  

Something terrible happen to me yesterday, even though its something i have expected, something that just a matter of time, something that i knew that will happen on that day, if not soon. Because the feeling of it is so strong, my instinct is always telling me stuff that's so right but it still hit me so hard when it really happen.

Eventually we got tired, eventually we lost the reasons that we first started out for, i see us slowly withered. We forget the good times and how we fall together and only see what are the things that are tearing both of us apart. At times, i wanna give it all up, letting all go, because eventually i am also tired of all these games, tired of guessing, tired of disappointment. I told myself, maybe it will be a relief for both of us, maybe that will be the best for us, maybe we will both be happier. but always a stronger feeling that's stopping me from doing it. Always tell me "Hang on there, it will get better, you all walk through so much already, don't give up yet" and i will think of the good things and then i will just give up the thought of giving up.  Been trying to give us one last chance thinking perhaps things will change, everything will change. But i guess it didn't. Perhaps i just couldn't let us go once again. So in the end, you decide to let it all go first. And we both know it best what's the real reason for it isn't it? I know it even better than you're.

Perhaps right now is really the best, time for me to accept the truth of us and walk out of my delusion. Time to think of myself more, love myself more to know that i am losing my smile for a lot of things already. Love myself enough to know that what's right and what's wrong. Sometimes all it takes are just little courage and a heart to let it all go. I know it myself best for everything that's happening between us. So i should do what's best for me right?

At least i should feel grateful and happy that i am not all alone. Really feel very thankful for the people around me, for rushing down straight after remedials to make sure i am alright, to try their best to make me smile, to talk to me and to give me the best support i need. Bringing me with bubble tea knowing that i love that the most. Thank you brothers, Buddies and Princess. I have nothing more to ask for already. Thanks for always being there to cheer me up all these times and making me smile when i almost forgotten how to. When i am at the weakest, you all are even more warm and loving. I always feel so blessed with the people around me, i am aware of that. And really thankful for those who are there. Even friends that specially message me to cheer me up and console me. Thanks all, seriously it meant a lot to me. With them, they make everything easier, better.

Today didn't expect myself to be like that so suddenly, i guess its so hard to control yeah. Buddies got a shock, i got a shock. But wanna thanks dodo for the warmest hug you gave today, for the tears you wipe away telling me everything will be alright, telling me i am a strong girl, i can do this. Thanks for always being there for me when i needed the most help. Thanks for still being the same dodo ever before even how things have change. Thanks for always know what's on my mind without me saying. Thanks for all the talk you gave today. I know what to do, and i know you know i am a sensible girl.
Hope things turn out all fine for you too. Deep down, i wish nothing but the best of you because you deserve it.

I'm really sorry for making people who care for me worry, for seeing me in this state and feel so bad. Esp Matha and Dodo, for feeling exceptionally bad and heartache when they see me like that. I know some are also worry, even though i don't say, they don't say it but i know you guys care for me, I don't know what else can i just say other than thank you and still thank you. I love you guyssssss <3

I am a sensible girl, i know what to do. I believe i am stronger than this, i know i will pull this through. Give me some time, i will pick myself up. I will get better, it will get better. I am the strong girl, everyone know, yes, this time i fall so hard once again, but i will climb back up, stood up still and strong once again, i know its only right to do this. I know like that is the best, i am aware how happy and carefree i am before that, so i will do what's right. But before that, just give me some time to pick myself up and bid goodbye to everything everything. Its actually feel like i lifted off something heavy, its been so hard when i feel that things start to goes wrong. So it feel like its being lifted off. I will be fine soon. Don't worry.

To you, Since you say it already, we will be then please let it happen. I don't wanna anything to change between buddies. I guess you know what i am referring to. Thanks for all the good times, bad times. At least we're once so true, so great and so right. I don't know what else can i say but just wish for all the best for you then. 


For people eager to see me fall, don't worry, i will stood taller and stronger than you thought i will be. 
I know how long this post is, i just need to blog all out because those are all the things i feel it but i don't say it. Yes, there's a lot more i wanna say but those i just wanna keep inside my heart. 
Just full thanks to all my brothers, princess and buddies. *Big Huggggg! Thanks for all the great support, smile, laughter, console and everything you're giving me! I know you guys are keep making sure i am alright, cheering me up! And of course protecting me,  Don't worry, i know what to do. Hey, i am strong and independent, so fear not. 
Of course there are friends are asking and giving their console, thankyouuuuuuuuu! I think i really look quite bad today? Teachers are asking me whether am i okay, saying i look so tired, so quiet. I feel so much better today already, from the strength i got from the things i love, from the people around me. So don't worry! :D 

Its harder than i thought it will be, but i am behaving better than i thought i will. I guess because in between i have long used to it, long tuning back to it already. Feeling so calm that it somehow scares me. But Really thankful at least i am not crying. Even though while typing this post, at some part, i feel so overwhelm, feel so hard to control i am glad, i swallowed all back and not to drop any more tears. 
Promised myself that today is the last time, tears will roll down on my cheeks, no more no more. Yes, I am the strong girl everybody know. Right now i am even more stronger than before. 


The words you say are keep repeating all over again and again and again, from before it starts to the day it ends, one by one. Some just stuck, for good for bad. 
I guess one of the biggest mistake i have done is to let my heart ruled over my head, for letting my heart and the love blind everything, for everything. But i will not regret. 
So Goodbyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee you, goodbye me, goodbye us! 

#76 >>> Friday : Seoul Garden.

Seoul Garden with buddies yesterday. Everything great except for the long waiting time. Have so much fun with them, laughing, joking and eating till our stomach gonna burst. And no idea why Jasper keep pinching my arm yesterday and Matha for keep palming my face. Seriously they love bullying me. HAHHA. But the lunch was really great, with them are always laughter. 

Meet Princess after that since she want to eat yogurt, then walk around Jp then off to Chew's crib for Mahjong. Home around 11plus. Fun day out. 

Didn't really spent my time with my dearest girl yesterday, Sorry, yogurt again soon with just two of us kk!!!! HAHHAHAHAA. 

OOTD .

Wore this flats out. 

 

Our "Sea" and The crazy amt of lala. Actually there are a lot more.  

 

Mr Samatha. The super pian xin one! 

Japanese Sir Mr Kang.  *Some inside joke. LOL!

Jasper Wakiki.

 

Ernest Bunny + Pig

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Always feel so grateful to have them by my side, they're just my happy pills, never failed to make me smile. Having them, they make me feel everything else doesn't matter anymore. So thankful to have them. 

And some shots of me before i go,  

And my face shape like so define and slim on the 3rd photo of mine. I don't know why either.

My eye bag ): I must look really cmi yesterday due to the lack of sleep. Have barely 4 hrs of sleep and i am out to have lunch with them already. Aigoooo . So sorry for the not to nice photo. Hahahaha.

HAHAHAAH. Goodbye. 

#69 >>> Sometimes you don't know much you miss someone until you see them.

I am so excited to be back here. And i am retyping everything because i just accidentally click something which end up the whole thing just become blank and you know i am almost done. So my hardwork just gone down the drain and its some discouraging! So right now i gonna start all over again.

So actually i am gonna blog about yesterday, the fun day out with AhMengs!!!<3

People who know me will know about them, but since i am retype everything, i might as well tell you some story about us. 

I know them when i am in Secondary 2 through Matha. Matha are in the same primary school as them. 

So we eventually keep hang out and become close with each other. We're like two groups combined together. Tiff,Anna,Mandy,Edmund and Heri are from Shuqun, whereas the rest of us are from Fuhua. 

So everytime we will argue who to come over, either we go over to Jurong East to find us or they will come over to Jurong west find us. So we usually take turns! We have outing on every month 12th. 

And its always so fun to be with them. Eventually, some left and that's the people left right now. 

So we become even busier with our school life and stuff, and meeting up getting lesser but we will still plan outing everytime. And i am glad that we didn't eventually drift off due to the different school and busy life. 

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So yesterday is our second meet up this year. To celebrate Jiahao's and Mandy's birthday!

Its bbq at our usual spot and its so fun! Miss them so much, xoxo.

OOTD. 

A very casual wear with my one of my favorite casual top. and of course my fav short. 

Shoe of the day. 

Been long since i last worn this shoe out. And i love wearing this shoe. 

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So i meet up with the fattest boy first. I wanted to act cool and thought i will actually be nonchalant when i meet him, but when i saw him, i break into huge grin. And i failed to keep my coolness and it make me realized how much i actually missed him. LOL.

And bbq was so fun, catching up and playing and also eatinggggg!!!

Here comes all the photos!

With Tiffany and Emdund. 

Mandy, Tiff and Edmund. 

Edmund, Anna, Tiffany and Rosanna. 

Rosanna, a new friend i have knew. She's tall and nice. Great meeting her. 

Tiffany and Edmund.

And i don't know why is the photo i took with tiff, went missing! Well, i will upload when i got it. 

And tiffany say we look like twins because of the bangs. Hehehee.

Catching up Anna <3

Mandy Sweetie! Our birthday girl <3

With Fattest Boy and Mandy. Love the smile on our face!!!!!!!!!!

Look how engrossed that boy is when it comes to games!!!!
And i just realized that we sit in the same position.

 

Group shot before we left. (Xn is missing as he left early, Matha still in M'sia)

Have so much fun and hate the fact that time flies past so fast and it make me feel so sad that i have to part with them without knowing when is the next time i will be seeing them again. 

Have so much fun catching up with them and it make me feel so greedy to ask for more of time like this. 

Its so fun catching up with each and everyone. With Anna about her Jc life and dance. Mandy with her hip hop dance in poly, Tiff with her poly life and how hard it is to adapt and stuff. Edmund with his course and his friends in poly and some other stuff. Heri with his usual nonsense of pole dance, singing and school life. 

Its really so nice and make me feel that one bbq is not enough to catch up. 

PS : Heri say i grow taller, and they are all saying i am now the tallest among Anna, Tiff and I. 

Cause i used to be the shortest. Something good though. But i love how small three of us are. So cuteeee!

Although in the end i got a terrible headache, i still enjoyed my day with them.

Even finish up my one last english paper 2 in one hour. Yayyyyyy!

And so sweet of my sister to come spoon-feed me with headache syrup when i am complaining of having headache! And it went off soon after that. 

Sleep at 7plus this morning, crazy over kpop with Sist, thats why!

Its always nice to meet up with people you haven seen for ages and can still have so much fun like before. like the distance didn't make any difference. Meeting up with them this holiday is so great because i wanna meet up with all the people i miss. 

Right now, i wanna meet up with all my dearest cheer buddies, i miss them and their nonsense so much.  

My fav self-shot of the day.

Sister took this while i am checking myself out on the mirror. Hehehe, but actually i told her to took it. 

So goodbyeeeeeeeeeeee!